The bigger the city

A business school friend of mine who grew up in a small town in Germany once told me, upon response that i was moving to London, that „the bigger the city, the lonlier you are“.

I‘ve been lucky that since moving to London 6+ years that has not been explicitly the case. I‘ve been fortunate to know a good number of people in London (it was one of the key reasons for leaving Frankfurt for London) and met many more along the way. My key issue in my social life is i‘m never in London - i’m constantly travelling for work. But that‘s a whole other story!

Since the accident and wearing a halo brace i‘ve been fascinated by the level of attention i have / have not received. I‘m far from inconspicuous. Yet - many people don‘t even look, drop eye contact once caught looking or simply don‘t ask what happened or i‘m ok or need help. Children are an exception - they will stare and usually ask their parents what happened. On the tube few people actively offer a seat.

This is a big city phenomenon. Interesting it is a phenomenon that attracts people to big cities. I have heard in my circle of friends the term „anonymity“ mentioned a few times. People choose to live in big cities to be anonymous - to walk down the street not being seen, to not be interrupted at a restaurant, to feel they are not judged and can do as they feel. Small fish in a big pond. We all know those people and we also know those who are the opposite - they like being the big fish in a small pond.

To be clear i‘m not seeking attention!

Outside of friends and family i‘ve only been asked 9-10 times if i‘m ok or „what happened?“. The last one, just moments ago out the front of a busy Farringdon Station on a beautiful autumn‘s day, was a retired nurse from Melbourne. Of all places, she‘d worked in the Women‘s and Children Hospital in Melbourne in the spinal care ward. A typical nosey nurse or someone just used to a small community of medicos or someone used smaller sized city? Who knows. But it was a lovely chat - to hear about her double bipass and mechanical heart valve implants, her victory over breast cancer and her recent fall smashing her wrists.

Stopping to say to every person you meet on your way to a meeting in any reasonably sized town let alone city would be highly inefficient. However, it is a gesture of human connection that adds to the rich tapestry of our lives that i argue here can happen in a big city or small one by simply learning when is appropriate and then actively asking people how they are or if they need help or what happened. Especially in a world when everyone i glued to their ~6.1 inch appendage that dominates day to day.

 Can our EQs develop to handle this human connection in big as well as small cities? With some awareness and a little less self centricity perhaps its possible and we‘ll all be better for it.